


Undertale Joke Fic (Sorta)

by Merlinsapprentice



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Don't Read This, F/M, How do you even joke fic?, I Don't Even Know, I am not high I swear, Multi, What Have I Done, sans has a sock fetish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 04:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10072544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merlinsapprentice/pseuds/Merlinsapprentice
Summary: I have no idea what I'm doing





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what I'm doing

You were created because Goda one day decreed, “Let there be a female Luffy!”  And thus, your parents got bizzay and here you are now.

 

Your name was Spoopy McSchnoozelnein Louisa Francesca Banana Wesca Bo Besca Inigo Montoya Hiddleston Toodle Pip Pop Cheerio Wallaby Yip Yap Yammer Doodle Susie Chilliwack Marinette Charon Jamison.  You were deemed Spoopy from the day you were born because you went poopy in your doopy.  Since then, Spoopy spoofed and spooped whatever their spiffy tiffy taffy daffy heart desired.  

 

One of these diddly darn doo dad things was decide to jump down a giant ass mother fucking hole on the top of a gargantuan as fuck mountain.  Because you were bored and thought, “HEY, why the hell not?  It's not like life is all cupcakes and rainbows.”

 

As you said this Branch and Poppy flew past you in the sky, with Poppy holding onto Guy Diamond as he pooped out some spiffin’ nice glitter from his bootylicious booty.   “That’s copyrighted foo’!  Emo J.T. Out!”

 

Upon seeing this Spoopy shrugged and jumped in the hoe hole.  “Yooooolllllooooo,” you called out.  Unbeknownst to you however, Sans was fooling around with his machine and thought that kicking it really herd might make his Dadster come back.  So he keeckered it real herd and poof, Dad was back!  But with the goopy egg’s return, a portal to Teh Voldemort-we Menzies da Void-opened urp.  You fell in that hole and guess what?  Huh Spoopy?

 

...Spoopy we be breakin’ this damn fourth wall and the fifth wall next so ya better damn well say “What?”  Got it?  Goodie!  

 

And if ya say it out loud or not ah don't know ‘cause I'm the frickin’ frackin’ fuckin’ narrator who basically wrote this down instead of being productive with my life. 

 

Or am I?!  +dramatically hits key notes on piano+ DUN DUN DUN!

 

Anyways, back to your story Spoopy!  As you fell in the rainbow-Doctor-Strange worthy-graphics-tunnel, you suddenly saw the Muses begin to sing your very own theme song.  And Morgan Freeman will now be taking over the narration from here so I can go fuck-I mean, hang out with-with skele-boyfriend Ink.  Oh, Inky!

 

“Frankly I was told this was to be for a charity-”

 

I cut in with a It Is!  Think of all the kids you're polluting-er, saving-by enlightening them with your rich, sweet, golden molasses voice!

 

“But-oh very well.  Why not?  As Spoopy fell down the Muses (the ones from Disney’s Hercules movie if anyone’s confused) sang, ‘Well well well, what have we here?  The Queen’s Guard Dog hmm?  Oh, I'm really scared!  So Jack Vessalius is a tryin’ to beat Oz?   He heh.  Well, Good Luck!  You’re joking, you're joking-let me see Sensei Kikashi’s eyes.  Renji’s joking he must be!  Rukia he's the one not that Ichigo guy!  (But) He's the main character, Renji’s funny.  I'm not sure if Naroku or Kikyo’s worse!  You better take your pick and beat that Ash Ketchup with a stick.  ‘Cause Rhino Rhando’s puppet brother is the Oogey Boogey Man.’

 

While you were falling, you saw Shadowplier and Sonic(voice acted by Inuyasha's  English voice actor going at it again, where they kept combatting to determine who was the best when everyone already knows they're secretary dying to have hot se-yeah okay I'm done.  There is only so much wackadoodle nonsense I can take.”

 

*opens door to find me* Merlin's Apprentice I'm gonna go-oh wow.”  *sees me in a Catwoman outfit on top of a handcuffed Ink.*  “...Please, don't bother getting up I'll lead myself out thank you.”

 

Wait Morgan come back don't-aw man.  Sorry Inky I've got to go narrate.  *changes back into signature classy purple frock*  Alrighty, here we go!

 

After the Muses sang yo theme chanson, Zekrom grabbed you by your foot and sent you into the Pokemon X and Y anime.  You got stuck in a treeeee and fell down the treeeee, landing on your Heinz-y heiny.  

 

“Shibatta!”  Spoopy cursed.  “Now I'm in a fictional universe!”  Even though technically everything in this doesn't make any sense and no sane person in their right mind would ever hope to have any of this ring the slightest bell of truth.

 

It's a good thing we ain't sane!

 

Spoopy soon became bored and hummed their theme song as they picked up a big stick and began to hit Ash with it while Pikachu pooped out rainbows.

 

What appeared to be carrot stems in the ground was actually Inuyasha having-oh wait it was still the green parts of the carrot it was just stuck to his hair.   “Hey lady!  Why are you beating that guy up?”  He yeeled when he saw Spoopy holding up the now unsoc maximus Ass Catcher with a stick.

 

“Inuyasha!”  Spoopy dropped Ash and he fell on Pikachu, who was somehow a whoopee cushion and was A-ok as he made farting sounds.  You ten tackle-hugged Inuyasha while Kagome, Momoko, Sango, Rin, and Sesshomaru sweat dropped.  

 

Kikyo screamed, “Leggo my Eggo that is my doggy biscuit bitch!”  Spoopy punched her right in da face with Yellow Diamond’s Angry-Clod expression.  “Oh no he ain't!  He be Kagome’s senpai foo’!”

 

Spoopy then jumped onto Jean’s back and commanded, “To Heichou's headquarters!  My Levihan ship needz to be true!”

 

Jean neighed and began to tread through a portal.  But instead of going to Attack on Titan, Spoopy was lead to the Phantomhive Manor.  “Gerd dammit Jimmy Jeans!”  He flung you off of his reins and whinnied, swinging his head up high as he tossed his suddenly glowing long golden mane and jumped into Eren’s bedroom to shit on Eren’s bed.

 

At the Phantomhive Manor Spoopy ate all the chocolate, transporting them to the world of Smaug.  You rode atop Benedict Cumberbatch's back-oops I mean Smaug-and jumped from the sky to jump scare/land on the poor, unsuspecting-yet-surprisingly-attractive-in-a-rugged way-Bilbo Baggins.

 

“Oomph!  May I help you miss?”  He groaned once he sat up.  

 

“I'm Spoopy and I wanna go on an adventure with you Dildo!”

 

He choked.  “I'm terribly sorry Mrs. Spoopy but my name is Bilbo not Dildo.”

 

“Mm nope it's Dildo now!  Because Hobbits are like Dodos!”

 

“Man you cray-cray babydoll.”  Ironhide chuckled.

 

“OMG-OSH!”  Spoopy gasped with a ready body.  “Its Bumblebee!  Imma grape you, Bee-Bee!”  And you proceeded to do things to a surprisingly willing Bumble-Bee.  Like you must've really stepped on his accelerator because you were sending him into overdrive hehehehe.

 

Spoopy then flew into Adventure Time with Marceline, singing “To be whatcha is ya gotta be whatcha ya are!  The thin’ is baby we be fuckin’ rock stars!”  Before you slipped off of Lady Rainicorn's back and into Cody Jones’s lab.

 

“You’re a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle now!”  Miley laughed as Spoopy put on a turtle costume.  “Yay-yuh!”  You replied and sang  _ Shell-Shocked.   _ Mordecai and Rigby cracked up as they watched the twerk-spectacular.  “This is Sparta!”  They cheered.

 

The end.  But before I go, I have an important message for y'all:

 

**_DAT DAT DA DA DA DA DA DA DA CIRCUS_ **

**_DAT DAT DA DA DA DA DA DA DA_ **

**_AFRO CIRCUS AFRO CIRCUS AFRO_ **

**_POLKA DOT POLKA DOT POLKA DOT_ **

**_AFRO KERORO GUNSOU!_ **

**_NUDES BEACH!_ **

  
  


...Ohonhonhonhon J.K.!  This ain't the end honey! 

 

Sans realized that oh shit, he sent the love of his life into several different worlds.  He quickly began singing I'm A Barbie Girl with Metatron (aka Mettaton), as it was the only way to restart the machine.  When he came it turned on, sending you into Undertale and landing face-first onto Sans.

 

“spoopy!”  He cried, hugging you tightly against him.

 

“Lazy-style Abercrombie zombie dude!”  You replied, enjoying the embrace but wondering who the heckle was dis potatoe sack.

 

“the whole fam’s back together.”  Goopy egg waved at you.  “dadster lives, paps is alive-”

 

A tall skeleton flew by in what Spoopy thought liked like cartwheels while carrying bowls of spaghetti in his large, gloved red hands.  “HI HO THE DAIRY-YO, OFF AWAY I GO!”

 

“now let's get you home hon.”

 

“Wee!  An adventure!”

 

Sans teleported you and him straight to the bedroom.  You fell as your back hit the bed, Sans’s arms caging you in as he loomed above you.  “lets get down to bidness~”

 

“To defeat the Huns!”  You cheered.  “No but seriously homeslice, who are you?”

 

“teh skeelee-man of your dreams.”

 

“But I don’ know you.”

 

“yuss you do.  just think clearly-when have you ba donk a donked the babadook?”

 

“Hmm,” Spoopy tapped her chin I thought. “I don't recall ever doing the do-oh my glob, yes I do.  You had the blue lollipop yeah? So I'm dating an aged, zombie Carlos.  At least we're making the hippie drug-inducer proud, then, Carlos.”

 

“yep yep.  but it's sans.  ‘member?”  

 

“Yuss,” Spoopy threw her arms around his neck and nuzzled into his chest.  “Sansy?”

 

“spoopy.”  He hugged you close to him.  

 

“Sansy!”  It was him!  You were lovers and-you were just so  _ happy. _

 

“spoopy,” he grinned.

 

“Sansy~” you trailed your finger in small circles on his chest.

 

“spoopy,” he groaned.

 

“Jerry!”  You and Sans kicked him out of the room and into the sky, where he blasted off with Team Rocket.  

 

“Get the fuck out!”

 

Sans shook his hands in a deliberate manner.  “satan’s fuck excrement…” he turned back to you, his grin returning.  “now, where were we?”

 

“Saving the horse.”  You responded as you put your legs out to position yourself atop him. “Because I'm riding the cowboy instead.”  You giggled at your innuendo.  “Get it?  It's cause condoms are cowboy hats and we're riding that cowboy like no tomorrow.  They're like goofy but kinky outfits for dicks.”

 

“so there's a party inside your gee gee.”

 

“Yeah, and like, we could put a chocolate one on you and it'd be like you're a raccoon getting inside my Tanuki.  So I'd be sucking on your Great Gatsby Lollipop.”

 

“ya say ya want my lolly?”  He raised a bony eye ridge at you teasingly.  “ya wanna kiss the top?”

 

“Mmhm.  Thy sword shall thrust splendidly and slide smoothly inside mine sheath.” Spoopy purred.

 

“getting messy, taking chances, and making mistakes.”  You moaned when he moved, rubbing his pelvis against yours.  “Oh yes.”

 

He sat up, grabbing the rims of his basketball shorts and pulled them down, exposing his rubber ducky boxers.  “yo whaddup, its ya boi.”

 

“Or better yet, Luke Skywalker’s fapped hand with the saber.  Your cock-a-do-the-do. Your tah la la.  Your ding ding dong.  Your hot jama mama fucka.  I could go on and on with this, really.”

 

“but then we wouldn't have any time to skiddlyboop.”

 

“Oh noes,” you cried.  “Not the skiddlybooping!”

 

“don't worry, there’ll be plenty of time to to frick frack paddy whack.  ah don’ know ‘bout you, but I'm in the mood mah dude.”

 

“Hue hue hue, I gotcha broskie.”  You extended a leg out and he caught it, caressing the back of your thigh while he kissed your leg.  

 

“mmm, hot hot leg.” He kissed you down to your ankles, all the while rubbing and squeezing your limb in sensual admiration.   “leg so hot, you fry an egg.”

 

“I'd like mine fertilized, please.”

 

“oh baby,” his teeth grabbed on to the top of your sock and slowly pulled it down.  “blue socks?”

 

“Just for you my ketchup à la mode.”

 

“ah fuck is so soft,” he shuddered.  “you sock is so, so soft and smooth against me.”

 

“Mm.”

 

You helped him peel your clothes off-save for your alluring socks of course.  That was hot.  “talk dirty to me.”

 

You locked eyes with Sans as you leaned forward, parting your luscious lips as you slowly took your left sock off.  Sans watched eagerly, his eyelights following your hands as you oh so delicately removed that alluring cloth from your body.  “oh yes.”

 

Spoopy then moved to the right, this time hooking one finger under the band and letting it run over the rim of the fabric.  Punching the sock on the other side you lift it off you, twirling both pairs in your hands.  “oh baby.”

 

You then stretched one of them and cast it over his eye sockets, blind-folding him.  You gently pushed him back so he laid down on the bed and you mounted him once more, this time using the remaining sock and tie in his hands so they lay immobile atop of his head.  

 

Spoopy smirked at how Sans’s hips bucked up involuntarily to feel her, get her inside of him as this teasing fabric rendered him defenseless.  You leaned forward to rub yourself against the tent in his boxers, sliding up and over it while Sans writhed below you in pitiful begs and moans.  “Now Sansy,” an absolute smirk stretched across your face.  

 

“Who's your Spoopy?”

  
  


Le Fin.

 

 

Extended Ending:

“And that's pretty much everything that happened in my dream,” you concluded.  “Pretty weird, right?”

 

Sans and Papyrus stared at you with what could only be described as astonished, extremely concerned looks.  Papyrus slowly reached out to take away the chocolate in your arms and stood.  “I THINK YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH FOR TODAY Y/N.”

 

“But-”

 

“no cuts no buts no coconuts.”  Sans retorted with an amused chuckle.  His grin soon fell, however, when he realized something important.  “and why would i have a sock fetish?  that's gross.”

 

“I don't see the difference, seeing as you eat my pussy just fine.”  He suddenly choked, his whole face turning a deep cyan color.  

 

“i-wha-nigh!”

 

You leaned back in the couch, your mind hazy and your body tingling from what could only be described as pure pleasure from the chocolate high you had going on.  You smirked, immensely enjoying how flustered your skelebae had become.  “Check and mate, love.  Or would you prefer ‘take me to the Bone Zone Bone Daddy.  It's about to get  _ Spoopy _ .’”

  
You laughed uproariously at how that only irritated your lover all the more.  “n-no!”


End file.
